


One Breath Before

by Tomillo



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Happy Ending, Love/Hate, M/M, Past Character Death, Tragic Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-22
Updated: 2018-10-22
Packaged: 2019-08-06 03:13:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16380332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tomillo/pseuds/Tomillo
Summary: Justin needs an explanation. Apparently, it shouldn't always be a logical explanation.





	One Breath Before

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for translation errors. Another story I translated from Spanish to English! As I said in the Oneshot called Regressive Bet, I wanted to make a more serious story about reincarnation and the spiritual side of Queer As Folk. This story is not connected to Regressive Bet, however, it is the same subject. I always wondered what it would be like to enter so much of the characters' minds to create something spiritual that would explain some behaviors or Justin and Brian's relationship in a less logical way. Here is the result. What do you think they will find in the regression to past lives? I wish you would give me your opinions because your comments must be very interesting ;) I will update the story every Monday.

**One Breath Before by Tomillo.**

 

**Chapter one - Let's talk about this**

  
_"I’m ready for the laughing gas,_   
_I’m ready,_   
_I’m ready for what’s next,_   
_I’m ready to duck,_   
_I’m ready to dive,_   
_I’m ready to say,_   
_I’m glad to be alive,_   
_I’m ready."_   
**_Zoo station - U2_ **

 

"I'm not going to that shit. Who do you think I am? Your grandmother who believes in magic and witchcraft?" Brian gets out of bed. He is upset by the suggestion of his... Husband? He still finds it hard to accept that Justin and he are married in holy matrimony and they have a nice house in which they live most of the time in the summers. When the holidays are over, they live in their own apartments and treat each other like friends with benefits, because that's the only way they can have a healthy relationship.

"It's not witchcraft and it's not magic. It's just the law of life."

"Law of life." Brian moans, swallowing a mockery and he lights a cigarette between his lips. After smoking for a few minutes, thinking that he needs a logical explanation and with many good reasons to understand, he dares to say something. "Life is a bitch, you have to settle for that and live in the now. Why the fuck do I want to know what the fuck I did in my past life? It's stupid, Justin."

"Maybe we are doing something wrong. Maybe there is something in our previous lives that makes us behave the way we do today. There are a lot of people who say they have problems with their children or their family because they didn't close a cycle or they didn't deal well with the problems today. It's proven." God, he sounds so convinced, with that cunning smile at the end of his speech. Brian remembers that Justin often has verbose-type attacks where he throws stupid, intelligent information. Several times, when her husband was a teenager, they had to interrupt casual sex because of those intellectual attacks in which Justin explained in detail all the compounds of such and such a thing. If blondes are dumb, her husband is certainly the exception to the rule.   
  
"Smart little shit. You know, I think you're spending a lot of time at Michael's."

"What do you mean?"  
  
"You're talking too much with Ben."  
  
"What's Ben got to do with it?" The blond guy gets a moan of pleasure when Brian comes back to his side, to kiss his pale neck.   
  
"Ben is a freak man sometimes. Don't listen to what he tells you, okay? Michael told me he was talking to you about reincarnation and Buddha, and all that shit that clouds your head. We must focus on the now and what we have." Another kiss on Justin's neck. "Past lives are that, past lives. I don't even believe that exists. Come on, we only live once, so use your fucking life to enjoy, and fuck, with me." 

Although Justin enjoys having sex with Brian, or being with him all the time, he still doesn't know why his desire to have a stable relationship with the love of his life isn't being fulfilled. Justin knows about her husband's horrible childhood, but feels that there is something deeper about the relationship that unites them. From the first time they saw each other's eyes, Justin knew they were meant to be together, as if he knew he had to find Brian. That time, when he met those hazel eyes, he felt that he had already seen that look many times. It's a feeling you don't know until you experience it. 

After what happened in New York, where he almost died again, Justin decided to stay in Pittsburgh. Brian disagreed, but ended up accepting her boyfriend's decision. So that things wouldn't be as unpleasant as when they lived together, they waited one month and the next they started living in separate apartments. Currently Justin doesn't have to deal with the random men Brian fucks, and Brian doesn't feel restricted by Justin's obsessive jealousy. It seems easy, but on cloudy days or rainy days, the blonde wonders what her boyfriend is doing in the loft. Maybe fucking a new ass, or working for a new account. 

Again the jealousy slowly kills him and turning up the TV volume on a cooking show no longer works as it did at first. Brian complains about text messages because they're ridiculous, but then he laughs and calls Justin to remind him that he's thinking about him, joking about how disgusting it is to be someone's husband officially. 

They don't have the same serious problems as before, however, there are still fights between the two (as in any couple) and it's always the same reason: Justin wants Brian to stay in his apartment for many weeks, wants Brian not to answer the phone or wants Brian to be a little more romantic. Justin doesn't ask for romanticism to the extreme of Ethan, because that's transforming her husband into someone else, but he thinks a little more love show is good. He doesn't settle for a couple of hugs and kisses to say goodbye.   
  
In a conversation, Justin offered a psychological therapy. Thanks to that suggestion he gained two weeks without talking to his boyfriend, so what can he do to understand the tension between him and Brian? It's been that way since they met. He really tries to understand the situation, but there is nothing to indicate an error. Maybe it's the age difference. Maybe they are not compatible. Maybe Brian is not made for Justin, considering that at first his relationship was toxic. Justin can't resign himself to that. 

One afternoon, while Justin was helping Hunter on a giant billboard to promote a rock band at his university, he noticed the book Ben was reading. The cover was blue, with strange symbolisms. The white letter said REENCARNATION, IS YOUR LIFE PAST A IMPEDIMENT FOR YOUR CURRENT LIFE?

  
He is not a faithful follower of religions, beliefs or esoteric things but he is an artist. After all, artists are sensitive enough to understand these issues, especially because Justin feels that his hand and mind are automatically handled when he is creating a work or painting, which already means something spiritual and strange. Justin feels that if he were not an artist, he would show an interest in the occult, like Ben. Ben is the only person he can talk to without being afraid to sound like a freak, except for Daphne. Daph is the voice of reason, but Ben shows him even higher and more spiritual options.

When Justin finished coloring the main guitar, Hunter said he would go to the bathroom to take a quick shower. Justin nodded, biting his lip, wondering if he should ask Ben about past lives.

"Ben." He almost moaned.   
  
"Tell me"  
  
Ben responded with all the calm in the world as he left his glasses on the wooden table.  
  
"Is it true that past lives can affect this one?"

He smiled, keeping the book in his brown bag. "I can't say yes, but there are many cases where people have gone to centers specialized in hypnosis to return for a few moments to a past life, and see what they have done wrong or what they have lived through in order to face the present in an easier way. Do they exist? Most likely they do. I don't think life is one. Let's say that... we are a soul that raises its flight and in that flight we encounter difficulties, which if not overcome, could continue in our next life. The sense of reincarnation is to balance, and in the end, to fly freely, without having to pay our bills in a physical body." Justin opened his mouth in the form of an O. So interesting must have been Ben's classes at the university. He wished he had been a student, because Ben's calm was contagious. "Sounds interesting."

"Very much." Justin supported. "And, let's say... a person has problems with his partner." Ben raised his eyebrows, smiling. "It's not me, I promise. He lied, seeing how the other's expression was still understanding. "In this life, could they have problems if they made mistakes in the past life?"

"There are cases where effectively, people meet in other lives to balance the weight of the previous one. It can happen in children, family, friends, and even couples who were together in the past."  
  
"Uh."  
  
"Uh." Ben nodded. As Justin was about to quench his curiosity about the subject, Michael arrived, so they had to get up to help him with some grocery bags. 

"It was full of people there, I don't know how I could stand so many hours in there." Michael complained.  
  
"You're home now, that's what's important. Justin has helped Hunter a lot. Look at those guitars and those colors. It's looking great."  
  
"Thanks for coming, I thought you wouldn't do it." Michael smiled a little.  
  
After that conversation with the teacher, Justin can't stop thinking about past lives and the meaning they can have in this one.   
  
The next afternoon, Brian arrives with a wine and a sensual smile that warns of lustful promises and delicious orgasms. The blonde thinks that with a pleasant sexual relationship and a dinner made by himself, Brian will be too tired to fight against the desire to make a trip to a past life to discover things. Sexually, they were wonderful, but emotionally, they are never understood even a little.   
  
Seeing Brian's reaction, he tries to explain, but as always, the other man ends up seducing with a naughty tongue in his neck and long fingers tracing his cock. It's so pleasant, but he doesn't want the subject to lose the respect it deserves. He has been all night finding out about reincarnation and hypnosis centres in Pittsburgh.   
  
"I want to fuck with you." Justin admits. "But, seriously, I need this. If you love me and you know I want to know what happened between the two of us, why don't we do it? We can find answers. I could be happy and you could... love me in the same way." He strokes his tanned chest, calming a violent reaction. Justin makes sure to kiss Brian's jaw, gently. 

"I thought we had passed the stage where you wanted me to become a breeder who wants to please his wife."

"No. I don't want you to please me or be someone who isn't you. I love you too much for that. I accept you as you are, that's why I decided I wanted to live away from you, so I wouldn't get jealous of your lifestyle. As long as you love me, I don't give a shit about the rest." He sees a gleam of innocence in Brian's eyes. He's always crazy to see those eyebrows dance for some reason. Brian is mysterious and doesn't show his feelings, but his eyes are fucking adorable. Justin can't stand the urge to kiss his cheek, then the corner of his mouth and finally his lips. He loves the feeling of kissing the corners of Brian's mouth, maybe because it's a subtle way of kissing him, which increases his desire. "My love, please."

"And how the fuck do you know that we really were something in the past life, huh? What if we never met and it's a waste of time? In case there's a past life, something that's stupid."  
  
"I just... I know. I feel like I've known you a long time. I want to find out things."  
  
"It's okay. It's your decision, but don't get me into it." Justin bites his lower lip.  
  
"I need you to do it too, Brian." 

 


End file.
